- ultimate tiredness -i'm really way too tired.. my eyes are swollen and painful.. =X maybe becos i'm lacking sleep nowadays that's why.. hmmm.. cannot blame..
now is the climax of my studies.. it is the home-run part le.. i'm left with 3 more weeks..
i wanna be able to complete this semester.. i need to get all my projects done well.. i need to get my presentations done well.. i need to get all my reports done well too..
JIA YOU.. =P after these 3 weeks.. u can say it is the end of it le.. =P
no more writting of reports le.. =P no more presentations.. no more programming le.. =P
give me a break soon okiez..??
12:58:00 AM ~♥ hEaRt pRiNtS ♥~
25 January 2008
- double blow in a semester -first is my cmsk grouping.. now is my mp grouping.. what is going on..??
why sabotage me..????????
cmsk grouping: my group mate consists of me, a gal and a guy.. both of them don't come for lesson usually.. tt time when report is about to due.. the gal didn't do anything.. the entire report ended up me writing it all alone.. =X on the submission both of them nv come.. i don't even have the latest copy with me.. =X
i got to beg teacher to give me some time while i go print it out.. which i only got 30mins to redo the entire thing and submit it.. that day i cried in front of my teacher.. =(
now..
mp grouping: actually i can't blame this member of mine.. it is more like miscommunication..
there is a few times i keep asking him what is the part that i need to do.. but he just didn't want to tell me and get everything done.. so i only end up doing all the mins and reports for the group..
a while ago.. he called me up.. indirectly.. he said that i didn't do anything.. i didn't said much.. but more like he already know what i want to say..
however i can't blame it on him.. in fact i really did very minimum things.. except the reports and mins is all i do for them de.. programming part.. i didn't do that much.. as i'm not told by him what i'm suppose to do each time..
i don't understand why i'm the leader for this MP.. to me.. i don't desire to be one.. as they never update me about anything.. i wasn't told about anything.. i wanted to do the coding.. but he nv gives me anything to help.. as he afraid i will screw it up for him.. =X now.. he called to tell me that i didn't do anything..
he felt guilty over it when talking to me on the phone just now.. but i told him.. no worries la.. not his fault also.. cos i don't want him to be worrying over it.. cos i don't want him to keep on feel bad over it..
however.. i still feel unjust over it.. somehow not entirely my fault.. but i got a feeling i might failed my MP..
somehow now.. i see the true nature of everyone ard me.. they are not here to be my frens.. rather ppl who will harm me.. i'm afraid.. leave me alone.. don't come near me..
time and time again in this last semester of mine.. people who once are my frens.. have turn into ugly beings to hurt me.. why is it so..?? have i done anything wrongly..??
tired.. really tired.. pls stop all these sabotage on me..!!!
i've got no more tears to cry le.. leave me alone..!!!! stop coming near me.. if you are here to give me another slap on my face.. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!
4:24:00 AM ~♥ hEaRt pRiNtS ♥~
24 January 2008
- sincere cries from my heart -i wanna stop all these things.. it is driving me nuts.. it feels like i'm one step closer to insanity.. =X
i wanna breakthrough.. i wanna have the child like faith once again.. i wanna believe in you once again.. i wanna be found in your presence..
i don't wanna stray away anymore.. i don't wanna continue in my habitual habits anymore..
pls rescue me.. pls tell me that i can do it.. pls give me the strength to get out of it..
i wanna have another chance to start a fresh with you..
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. - Galatians 5:16
2:29:00 PM ~♥ hEaRt pRiNtS ♥~
22 January 2008
- worst scenario -to me the worst scenario that can happened is...
when u saw ur fren msging someone else.. and in the msg content is scolding u.. saying u r stupid.. to the person that he/she is msging to.. =X
can u believe it.. i witness this myself today.. =X
sec 5 that yr.. 15 mins before chinese o's paper starts.. my frens ignore me until one of them told me.. that the friendship i've with them for the 4yrs plus.. they no longer cherish.. and they don't need me to be in their life anymore..
what is the expression am i having tt moment..? i lose all my consciousness.. i cldn't concentrate on my paper..
my entire mind was filled with thoughts like.. what they wanna do such a thing to me at this moment..?
throughout the papers.. i cried.. and i can hardly see what i'm writing.. immediately that moment i sink into depression.. since then.. i have never gotten back up..
i hardly trust anyone.. to me.. now all my frens.. they never succeed in getting close to me anymore.. i've draw the line until so obvious..
my joy and sorrows and worries.. i never share much with anyone.. the pain i experience.. i don't allow anyone to understand..
why am i writing abt all these.. cos what i experience today.. felt like what i'm experiencing back then..
my mind is filled with those thoughts again..
am i such a lousy fren..? or is it that i'm alway the one that is not gd enough for anybody.. =X whichever the case.. i know i've not done anything wrongly this time to anybody..
10:43:00 PM ~♥ hEaRt pRiNtS ♥~
21 January 2008
- smilez -i'm thankful for all your support.. encouraging me to go ahead with my dream..
but i come to the uncertain stage of my life.. =X to go SOT or to go Singapore Air Force..
i wanted to go SOT.. but i don't have the finance.. i wanna save money to go.. but if i go.. i don't have a clear vision what i want to accomplish as i go.. =X
i wanted to get in Singapore Air Force.. it is my dream to become a Pilot in the Air Force.. =X it feels like it is about to come true.. however.. i don't have faith for it.. =X
i once told someone to always smilez at its circumstances.. =) u know why..? as all these circumstances make one become stronger.. that's why we got to smilez at our circumstances.. =P cos it gives you the strength to overcome it.. =)
i need to have FAITH to believe I CAN DO IT..
1:41:00 PM ~♥ hEaRt pRiNtS ♥~
15 January 2008
- countdown -now counting down.. i left 5 weeks to the end of my semester.. =P
so i got to start looking for jobs to work.. also.. i must really keep training my stamina.. cos i need to have a good health and stamina..
maybe i've already decided where to head to.. however.. i need a confirmation..
hmmm.. will let u all know once i know the result of it.. =)
