- 2008 -2008 have been a great year for me.. many areas of my life was being tested and stretched to the next level..
as 2008 coming to an end soon.. i just felt like pen-ing down some of my thoughts for this year..
at the beginning of this year.. i was still in Temasek Polytechnic doing my final semester.. everyday hardly get to sleep.. busy with all my projects.. especially my FINAL YEAR PROJECT..!!! throughout this period of time.. it wasn't an easy journey for me.. i was being betrayed several times throughout my final semester.. to the extend whereby i want to give up on my studies a lot.. but i was thankful that i did not give up on my studies.. THANKS to ALL my FRIENDS who stood by me throughout this period of time in my FINAL SEMESTER.. i was glad that i am able to GRADUATE with a DIPLOMA in MOBILE and WIRELESS COMPUTING..
after my studies.. i was in a dilemma.. i was wondering should i really continued on with my interview with the SAF (Air Force) for the position of FIGHTER PILOT / UAV PILOT / WSO FIGHTER / WSO C3.. or should i really go into SOT to fulfilled what i've purposed in my heart 3 years back before i went into Temasek Polytechnic to study.. i was given a lot of advice from different group of people in my life.. people from my cg.. from my ministry.. from my workplace (Starbucks).. from my church friends.. from my lecturers and etc..
in the end.. after much consideration i still chose to go to SOT.. can you believed that i actually gave up a very bright future that people around me which they could.. being in the Air Force.. one can earn up to S$ 2-3K a month.. if i'm not wrong.. this is before getting the allowance.. just imagine with allowance.. you can simply earn up to S$4K a month.. i know some of you may ask me.. did you ever regret giving it up this bright future that i can have..? i can simply answered.. yes at the beginning.. but after a few days.. i did not regret anymore since then.. i realised that is not the way i should go towards.. though i can earn a lot in a month..
when i decided to commit myself 4-5 months of my life to build up my walk with God again by enrolling into SOT.. i remembered that i need to be able to pay S$1.5K for the course fees.. but i really do not have the finance to do so.. but God is GOOD.. He provided for me the moment i told Him that i will really lay down my life and commit these 4-5 months to get myself equipped and strengthen up as i go through SOT.. hence someone from my ministry blessed me with S$1.5K to pay for my course fees..
one day before the start of SOT.. i struggled a lot.. i'm someone that is not spiritually strong yet.. i was on the urge of giving up my relationship with my heavenly Father the day before the start of my SOT life.. i was so depressed with a lot of things happening around me.. to the extend i cut my wrist again after about 2years of my life.. Joycie and Suraj knew about it.. and they talked to me on the phone to find out what is happening and why am i doing such things again.. but since that day on.. i hardly cut my wrist again.. i learnt to depend on God even much more each time when i feel down..
during SOT days.. i felt very blessed.. i was so broke that period of my life.. but God did not allowed me to go hungry everyday of my life.. He blessed me through the people around me.. people like Lee Lee who helps me to buy breakfast in the morning.. sometimes even treat me breakfast.. by the way.. i do not have the habit of eating breakfast.. but through the kind acts of the people around me.. i started taking breakfast every morning.. not only in this area.. there is another area of my life i felt very blessed too.. throughout SOT.. i'm serving as a Sound Crew.. somehow you will see me quite often on stage.. if not it will be at the first row.. so every morning i need to wake up super early so that i can reached church at 745am.. and set up the place for the Sound Check of the instruments and mics.. so during the first few weeks i travel down by train on my own.. but after a few weeks i realised there is this musician who stays very near me.. so he asked whether i want to hitch a ride down.. that's when all my new friendships started.. =) i get to know more friends around me.. and i hardly late for SOT lessons.. =) and i managed to reach church either early or on time for the Sound Check every morning.. =)
first month of SOT, we need to buy some course materials for our assignments.. remember i was broke and i have yet to find any part-time jobs.. so i hardly got any money to buy the materials.. the thought of wanting to borrow books did came to my mind.. however i was not able to find any people to lend me their materials.. so i decided somehow or rather i need to get hold of the books.. so some of the leaders from my zone paid for my books.. Suraj blessed me 2 books that were out of stock and that i forget to place my reservation for it..
as i commit myself to SOT.. people around me noticed lots of changes in me.. i used to chat alot or even message Joycie a lot to whine at her.. telling her how depressed i was etc... but ever since i started SOT.. i hardly whine at her anymore.. i learnt to depend on God more than i depend on people around me.. not that depending on people is wrong.. but sometimes you got to know that they can't be there 24/7 for you..
the first 4 months of my life in SOT.. i still dressed up until very boyish.. as in just polo tee and jeans.. it is like after 3 days you will see me wear back what i wore on 3 days back.. however.. coming to the last month of SOT.. or should i phrase it ever since after deliverance weekend.. somehow you can see a big change in me.. i started to dress up more.. and that i become more feminine in my dressing.. if you noticed.. especially during the last week of SOT.. which is our final week.. on our SOT GRADUATION DINNER.. i wore a very feminine top and mini skirt which a pair of nice black with blinks heels.. people around me was surprised by my dressing.. especially people that knew me personally.. people like my team-mates.. sound crews.. musicians.. singers.. in fact i should said i've surprised the entire SOT cohort including the SOT STAFFS.. =) i would said.. i've never imagine that i will start wearing skirts and feminine tops again since the year 2001.. which is like 7 years le wor.. hahaha.. =P
that night i just felt like i'm the centre of attention and attraction.. reason being.. i hardly got the chance to eat or even drink.. as many people walked over to me and took pictures with me.. but i cannot blame them for it too.. as i also want to take lots of pictures with people that i know to keep it as a memorial for myself.. to remind myself of the times that i had with each and every single one of them..
throughout the SOT period.. i've improved in many areas of my life.. things like.. stage fright lessen by quite a lot.. able to listen to the comms and response to it faster compared to last time.. more confident in who i am.. not just improved in many areas of my life.. but also.. i'm able to trust in God and depend on Him even much more.. as He has shown Himself FAITHFUL throughout my life..
many people thought that christian life is a bed of roses.. but i got to say it is not.. even though i was in SOT.. though i can feel there is this special grace upon me.. i wouldn't said i'm totally free from problems etc.. in late June early July this year.. my great-grandma had skin cancer.. she is someone that love me so much that i do not know how to describe it to anyone.. it broke my heart a lot knowing that she might passed away soon.. but thank God she is still alive till today.. mind you.. she is 102 years old.. =X
SOT strengthen me a lot and taught me so much that i can hardly describe everything here.. since SOT GRADUATION until today.. i would said.. i was in my deepest valleys ever.. people around me thought that now that you have come out from SOT.. that means you are stronger now to conquer the next level of giants or mountains.. but for my case.. i was not ready for a period of 3 months.. can you imagine.. i even thought of leaving at times.. but i remind myself to stay on and keep on keeping on no matter how tough it will be.. as God is FAITHFUL.. that is why you still see me around in church.. hahaha.. =P
life after SOT is really very challenging for me.. it challenges my character.. my values.. my faith.. etc.. a lot of things happened in my family.. one after the other starts to fall ill in my family.. it is not those small cases of illness.. but it is quite serious where my family members need to go see specialist for it.. and it cost a bomb each time you visit a specialist.. =X i did not blame or scold God for it.. but rather i asked God to heal my family members who are sick.. and bring forth healing in my family..
recently i started working full-time in Deloitte.. ranking no. 2 in Singapore for the Auditing sector industry.. to me.. working life as a full-timer is so much more stressful compared to part-timer job.. until now after working one and half month in it.. i would said.. i'm still not used to it.. however still trying my best.. i would said.. it is a dream job for me.. as all this while.. i told God i want to work in a well-known company and if can let it be either entertainment or auditing industry.. there it goes.. i got what i wanted.. by the way.. i even had a dream of me chatting with my colleagues way in advance before i started working in Deloitte.. amazingly i realised it is a Deja Vu experience when it happened in my department when all of us are sitting around chatting for a while after work..
2008 really have been a year of stretching for me.. where i have broke many limits of my life ever.. looking back.. i would said that i've conquered quite a bit for this year..
now looking forward to 2009.. i believed that it will be another year of breakthroughs for me and another year of stretching too.. but not forgetting that 2009 will be the year that i want to fulfill a lot of my dreams.. dreams like.. getting attached before my b'day (if can..).. going away for a holiday to Melbourne / Gold Coast / Sydney / Taiwan (either by myself or with one to two of my close friends / ministry friends).. etc.. i will start writing them down soon in my goal card.. hahaha.. =)
that's all.. pretty long entry.. =X guess you won't mind right..?? hahaha.. cos i simply felt like pen-ing down what i've went through this year.. as it has been quite a meaningful year for me.. i seldom do such things.. =X
